Dragon Pox
by ChinoYaEejit
Summary: What can Hermione and Harry be up to, all alone in the hospital wing, sick in bed with a case of the Dragon Pox? According to Ron, things aren't as innocent as they seem...and with the way they sound behind closed doors, he may be right!


**Disclaimer- I own nothing associated with Harry Potter, I just twist the characters to fit into situations of my liking. =D **

AN- I found the start to this one-shot on the same disk with all my lost work (homework and all…even my stupid password to my Live Journal account (at Oy_atticus if you wanna check it out) *before I realized the lost password icon, after I remembered it was the main lyric to my fav. song* I thought it would be fun to write, seeing as it was the missing counterpart to False Accusations (and you all know how much fun that was to read/write…Only if you *ahem* enjoy my warped paradigm of humor)

Now that the dreary days of autumn had long but passed over Hogwarts, and the blistering cold winter was steadily drawing to its end, March was afoot at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The Hogwarts grounds were in full bloom as everything was simply teeming with luscious, exotic wildflowers and that fresh spring grass. The sun was even out, blazing on such a fine weekend for all the Hogwarts students to enjoy before being taken captive by the dreaded end of the year exams which would take place in the following months which seemed to pass by so swiftly. 

Yes, it would seem all the students were outside, soaking up rays, playing Quidditch or even poking fun with the giant squid. Well…students that weren't currently being held prisoner by Madame Pomfrey at the moment. Like those certain students who had _mysteriously_ contracted the dreaded virus which caused such symptoms as extreme skin irritation…uncontrollable itching…fever…oh yeah, and the ever so now and then fire-breathing. It was much like the chicken pox; it was, though with a few, _minor_ differentiations. 

But it's common knowledge that the majority of people who get chicken pox usually fall into the category of 'toddlers' rather than teenagers.  And of course, this situation is no different- these two particular patients of Madame Pomfrey's didn't have the Chicken Pox, the notorious little kid's illness; they had the _Dragon Pox_, the notorious little _wizard_ illness. 

"Just…hold…_still_ for a while Ms. Granger-" Madame Pomfrey pleaded wearily through gritted teeth as Hermione attempted to wriggle her way out of her grasp as Harry watched on, evidently amused at the situation.  Madame Pomfrey attempted to pin her down with one hand while waving a dripping spoon of tonic in the other.

"Madame Pomfrey, I don't need it- I'm _fine, _really," Hermione claimed, resorting to pulling her blanket firmly over her head, causing Harry to snort out loud. "You know, this can be filed as _harassment_…" 

"Oh come now, Hermione it can't be _that _bitte-"Harry was cut off by Madame Pomfrey cramming a spoon into his open mouth, depositing the unearthly bitter potion down his throat causing him to gag suddenly and sputter.

"_Ack__!"_He muttered out, unable to formulate comprehendible speech. 

"You, Mr. Potter, missed your morning dosage, so _enjoy_," Madame Pomfrey said huffily, watching Hermione emerge from her burrow of blankets to watch Harry in mild amusement.

"It's not so _what,_ you say?" Hermione questioned genuinely, flicking her bushy hair out of her eyes. 

"…Shut…_up_…" Harry gasped out, collapsing into his mass of bed sheets before proceeding to go into a coughing fit.

"Oh would you look at you two," Madame Pomfrey sighed wearily, eyeing the teenagers' odd green spots that littered their complexion like a set of freckles, which accompanied every case of the dreaded Dragon Pox.  "You'd think two kids your age would've been able to handle a simple case of-"

"Well, it's not our fault we weren't exposed to it like every other wizard or witch when we were five- sadly, we were still getting over the chicken pox at the time…" Hermione replied in a slight sarcastic manner as the older witch continued on, unabashed by her logic. All the while Harry continued hacking violently into his quilt. 

"…It's odd enough when you contracted its symptoms Potter, but Ms. Granger as well?" The nurse clucked disapprovingly as she eyed the pair suspiciously while gathering her instruments. 

Hermione didn't have a remark to that. She suddenly fell silent, and avoided Pomfrey's accusing glare as she attempted to cover up her blush while Harry practically went into convulsions with his coughing spout.

"Oh, for Merlin's sake, Mr. Potter, spit it _out_!" 

And Harry did just that. Abruptly, a stream of roaring blue flames came spewing out of his mouth momentarily until ceasing into a dull flicker until finally coming to a halt. Of course, neither Madame Pomfrey nor Hermione were surprised about this considering that Hermione was a patient herself and Madame Pomfrey had seen all symptoms, classes, and side effects of such nasty wizard illnesses. In fact, she was rather pleased.

"Blue flames? See Mr. Potter, the potion does indeed work! Why, just this morning you were belching green flames but blue? You'll be better in no time…" she responded docilely, patting Harry on his head as he slumped backwards into his bed, exhausted.

"…Why does it taste like something Snape slipped in my pumpkin juice?" 

"-I'll be in the Great Hall for lunch for the time being, so if you need me, stay here- and keep that mangy beast off of the premises-"

"What mangy beast?" Hermione asked firmly, looking slightly offended as if she had a slight idea what Madame Pomfrey was referring to.

"_Ron_?" Harry inquired, appearing a bit off-colored.

"No, the _other_ mangy beast-"

"Oh, you mean _Crookshanks_…" Harry realized.

"…_Hey_!" Hermione protested, after Harry confirmed her thoughts.

"…Well just remember how you got here so no funny business-and Potter, no scratching! I know you have an issue with that, and keep your hands to yourself…you _also_ seem to have an issue with-" Madame Pomfrey chided, halfway out the door. 

"-By the time you get down there, Snape would've had time to slip something in_ your_ drink as well…" Harry muttered, some of his original color returning to his face. 

"I heard that Potter," Madame Pomfrey said curtly, shutting the door behind her.

Believe it or not, it was quite uneventful having Madame Pomfrey away, the pair noted once they were both drowning in the mist of their own uneasy silence. You see, it was very hard to block out what the Nurse had said considering most of what she said was true. It was a mystery to everyone, Harry included, how Harry had caught the Dragon Pox. Though Hermione's case on the other hand…let's just say, forgetting her circumstances of catching it was as simple as detaching a set of thumbs…_without_ magic. 

Harry coughed twice, in order to break the silence.

"-Don't start that again, you already torched the drapes," Hermione warned, drawing her knees up to her chest and sighing deeply, causing Harry to look on in worry.

"What's wrong?" He questioned, scratching his forearm slightly. 

"I wonder what Ron is doing now…" Hermione said ruefully, looking slightly down.

Harry's heart fell suddenly and he immediately began raking his nails over his stomach.

"Hermione, you're not- I said I was sorry, I just…" Harry stuttered with great effort, roaming down to his legs to ease the itching, as Hermione watched expectantly.

"Oh, forget about it Harry, I mean, you weren't _that_ bad…" Hermione also began scratching her legs tentatively as if watching Harry was as half as contagious as he was. Though the cause for her illness wasn't that she'd _watched_ him, that was for sure. 

"Ron's probably stuffing his gob with sweets from Hogsmeade by the lake right now, playing Quidditch," Hermione concluded, flopping back into her bed, writhing with irritation as she attempted not to scratch. "He'd have to be forced up here at wand-point to even _consider _visiting his poor…diseased friends…"

*~*~*~*

"Ginny…_Ginny_…quit shoving me!" Ron exclaimed stubbornly, grasping onto his half eaten pack of Ice Mice for dear life as the youngest Weasley and Neville directed him upstairs with their wands adjusted firmly in the small of his back.

"I can't believe you, Ron! Abandoning your friends in their time of need!" Ginny accused, thwacking him hard on the head.

"Hey!" Ron objected, scrambling to pick up his sweets and Cleansweep from the spot where Ginny's blow had led them. "It's not _my_ fault he got ill; I already visited Harry 'in his hour of need' as you call it, anyway!"  Ron shouted defiantly.  

"Er…Ron, in case you hadn't noticed the sudden lack of nagging, Hermione's absent as well," Neville clarified, brushing his hair back with his hand uneasily.

Ron stopped in his tracks and peered at Neville through squinted eyes as if he'd just realized he was present.

"You'd swear there was a pack of infested kids running about Gryffindor Tower spreading heir germs or whatnot…" Ron muttered, allowing himself to be dragged along the staircase once again by his younger and only sister.

"Well…that is somewhat true about Harry's case of the Dragon Pox- remember, he doing that-that Quidditch program with the daycare in Hogsmeade for some extra credit house points from Madame Hooch, remember? The thing you were oh-so busy with a certain _someone_ to attend…?" Neville explained slowly, hoping it sparked some memory in Ron's mind though Ron continued to stare at him, somewhat resembling a dull goldfish.

"Oh!" Ron said finally, snapping his fingers in realization, "Oh yes, I remember…Wait a minute, is that the _'ultimate embarrassment'_ Lavender was 'trying to _protect _me from?' I can't believ-" Ron began to fume though Ginny found it wise to switch gears on the conversation at that very moment.

"-Um, it sure makes you wonder how Hermione caught it then…I was with her for all of that Saturday and we spent most of the time in the library or by the lake-Harry wasn't in sight and she surely didn't catch the Dragon Pox from _me,_ right Ron? _Ron?"_ Ginny said, nudging Ron rather violently. "And Harry said he was heading straight to the hospital wing for a pepper-up potion when I noted that he looked all flushed. Hermione was up in the boys dorm with you two trying to find quiet with that book, so-"

"-Interesting…_Very_ interesting…" Neville muttered suspiciously.

"What? What's interesting?" Ron questioned anxiously.

"Well…it's funny Ginny says that we were in the dorms last Saturday when I recall catching you and Lavender in the-"

"-Didn't I say to _never _mention that?" Ron growled in a dangerously low tone, appearing to be a bit flushed.

"Uh…that's all well but it's still s-strange that Hermione c-caught it- that's all I'm saying…" Neville spilled out quickly, attempting to steer the subject away from the subject of Ron and Lavender's personal doings once again.

"Well…you know what they say about these _certain_ illnesses, rashes in _unmentionable_ places…strange markings on their backs…-"

"-Most likely because they've been scratching like mad for about a week now…" Neville said skeptically.

"-and of course, that _strange_ discharge-"

"-_Discharge?_ They breathe _fire!"_ Neville cried out as if it was the most ridiculous understatement he'd ever heard. 

"I said it was a _'strange'_ discharge…How do _we_ know they really have this alleged Dragon Pox?"

"Ron, what other disease fits those symptoms?" Ginny inquired exasperatedly, rolling her eyes at how ludicrous Ron could be. 

"Hmm…what other wide class of diseases have those symptoms…some itch…some cause rashes…some cause _unsightly_ damage to certain _private_ areas-" 

Ginny gasped sharply and eyed Ron incredulously before being overtaken by a fit of spontaneous giggles.

"Are you saying…that…that…they gave each other some sort of _STD_?" Ginny cried preposterously, slapping Ron on the back in a good-natured manner. "Ridiculous…! And _disgusting!"___

"Honestly Ron, you don't suspect Cho Chang took Harry _that_ far around the block, do you?" Neville questioned in some what of a delighted stupor.

"How would you two know? And Ginny…why, pray tell, are you able to recognize symptoms of a STD so _easily_?" Ron questioned sounding and appearing to be flabbergasted by their reactions to his startling revelation.

"Oh bugger off, Ron!" Ginny said in a slight joking tone though Neville couldn't shake the idea that she was being serious. She once again began marching up the stairs with a slight titter here and there, "Besides," she started once again, "Harry and Hermione don't even…they aren't…they wouldn't…" She tried to say, but ended up flinging her hands up in the air in a defeated way realizing talking to Ron was useless. 

"-Are you saying that they _don't_ fancy each other?" Neville inquired innocently, jogging up Ginny's side.

"-Poor, naïve, Neville, you don't have to necessarily _fancy_ someone to shag them- especially when it's your good friend,"

"Ron, you are so…"

"Lewd? Risqué?" Neville suggested.

"_Yes! _Despite what you think," Ginny paused to catch her breath as they neared the closed entrance to the hospital wing, "Not everyone would jump at the chance to pull a 'You and Lavender' in the nearest closet…Especially them! That's so ridiculous…implying that Hermione would do such a thing without telling me…" Ginny mumbled, reaching for the doorknob right when a startled, though certainly pleasant shriek -obviously Hermione's- interrupted her actions…

~*~*~*~

_"Bloody hell!_" Harry failed in containing his outburst following Hermione's shrill shriek once he spotted the root of her discontent…or rather, _pleasure_. A sopping wet, plump ball of ginger fur had suddenly made a mad dash out of the loo located in the corner of the hospital wing to Hermione's lap in less than five seconds flat. 

"That _thing_ just…just…popped out of nowhere! Where was it hiding all this time?" Harry questioned, sincerely perplexed at the arrival of the little stranger- Crookshanks of course.

"This _thing_," Hermione said sternly, emphasizing the fact that Harry had termed Crookshanks a thing, "Has been in there all along…let's just say it only comes out when the situation is…_comfortable,_" Hermione concluded, joining Harry in a sly grin.

"Oh, I was beginning to think I did something wrong…"

There was a sudden mild crash along the outside of the door leading into the corridor that startled Harry.

~*~*~*~

"_Neville!"_Ginny hissed, silently cursing Neville for knocking her off balance and causing the disturbance of whatever they believed to be happening between their friends beyond closed doors.

"Still think it's just an _innocent_ case of the Dragon Pox?" Ron questioned flatly, with a stony expression set on his face.

_"Quick, cover it up! I think Madame Pomfrey's coming back!" _They heard Harry's frenzied muffled cry through the door.  Hermione scoffed soon after.

_"As if she could actually confiscate-"_

_"-Shh!"_

_"Put your shirt back on!"_

_"You cover that _thing_ up!"_

Lots of cloth ruffling could be heard for a moment before dead silence. After a few minutes of tension passed they finally heard Hermione say,

_"-I don't think it was her…" _followed shortly by Harry's relieved sigh and soon the resumed muffled cooing/purring noises. 

~*~*~*~

"You're so _cute_, you know that?" Hermione cooed gently, stroking Crookshanks's dampened stomach almost suggestively in Harry's opinion.  "Oh Harry, don't I have a _wonderful_ pussy?" she said in a slight babyish voice, lost in blind affection of her cat to notice Harry's reaction…or the interesting noises that were now coming from beyond the door.

"-So nice…and warm…and _curly_-"

Becoming quite flustered or down right disturbed at the implication he stroked his own hair in a poorly accomplished nonchalant manner and interjected.

"-And _wet_," He whispered in a raspy tone, searching wildly for _something else_ to focus his eyes on.

Hermione looked up suddenly, as if just realizing Harry was still occupying the bed across from her.

"Why Harry, you make it sound like you don't like it," Hermione said in mock offense.

"Don't get me wrong, I mean, it's…_cute_ if you look at it in the right angle…I suppose…" Harry responded, cocking his head sideways as if to change his perspective on the beast.

"Well, maybe my precious-"

Harry scoffed.

"Isn't that nice to look at as that…that…" Hermione motioned to the window where Hedwig could be spotted roosting, apparently the Owlery had been crowded once again that afternoon, or maybe Hedwig was anxious to visit her master who hadn't been to visit in over a week.  "…_wild_, for lack of a better term, pecker of yours…" Hermione stated in a rouse of discontent, referring to the disgruntled behavior to the snowy owl lately. 

Hedwig barely like to be touched any more- Even by Harry in some cases, due to the fact that the filter on communication Dumbledore had put into affect due to the danger that the wizarding world was in causing lots of owls to be strictly confined to the overcrowded Owlery 24/7. 

"Oh, be nice," Harry said, cracking into a wider grin.

"Look at what happened to my hand handling that wily creature!" Hermione pronounced in an accusing manner, leaning over the bedside so Harry could examine her hand.

"That'll teach you to manhandle my little friend…You've just gotta learn to rub it the right way, don't ruffle any feathers…" Harry stated jokingly, causing Hermione to cut her eyes at him briefly before resuming clawing at her own piercing flesh.

"Like there wasn't an odd time my finger got caught in that thing's-"

"-Well it teaches you that you have no business prodding it with your _finger_ in the first place!"

"…If it helps, I really do think it's cute," Harry offered in a sugary tone.

"We're flattered," Hermione assured him still not ceasing her scratching fit. "Now if only I could get over this _burning_ sensation…" Hermione moaned, sounding defeated as she roamed from her red forearms to her legs. 

"Want some help with that? It takes a _wizard_ to handle these kinds of things you know," 

"I can do it myself, Harry!" 

"…For Merlin's sake, if you're gonna do it, do it _right_ and keep a good grip on yourself!"

~*~*~*~

"What kind of _sick_ business is going on in there?" Ron questioned, clearly caught between a mix of puzzled and anxious.

"More like what sick thoughts are flying around in _there_?" Ginny inquired, poking defiantly at Ron's head. She was clearly unconvinced. As if reading Ron's blatant disbelief at her skeptic expression she responded.

"There could be a rational explanation for all this…"

"-Rational? Oh yes, Harry's calling Hermione's _other_ pussy-" Ron winced shortly, "_cute_. Honestly, what more could you want?"

"Harry could be um…talking about…Crookshanks," Neville said, attempting to support Ginny's theory causing Ron to scoff even more.

"I don't think anyone could bear to call that _thing _cute…"

"You wanna bet? Let's go in then," Ginny suggested, rising from their crouching position as Ron jerkily pulled her down again. 

"…Ron, I don't even want to start thinking you get joy out of being some sort of eavesdropping peeping Tom…"

~*~*~*~

"Hermione, you've been going at it for a while now- let me have a stab at it!" Harry said, growing tired or rather sympathetic at Hermione's tireless attempts at soothing herself, "Come on," Harry said, reaching over the side of his bed and resurfacing with a withered stick which could pose as a backscratcher. "I'm equipped with certain…_Er_…tools just for this purpose,"

"Oh thank Merlin, get over here on my bed _now_! I can't wait any longer- I feel as if I'm about to explode or…or burst into flames! Just remember to be gentle with that thing!"

"Would you expect anything else from me?"

~*~*~*~

"She's rather _anxious_, isn't she?" Ron said snidely.

_"That's good Harry…yes…" _They heard Hermione's strangled moan as Harry giggled mirthfully in the background. 

"How much longer are my virgin ears going to be forced to listen to this, Ron?" Neville questioned, sounding mildly perturbed.

"…I can't believe you just admitted that-not that we all didn't know, Neville…"

_"Ow, Harry, you're going at it too hard! Slow down before you-"_

_"Come then, it's not that bad…you sure enjoyed it before Madame Pomfrey caught us in the act,"_

"They have _no_ shame,"

"You're one to talk, closet-boy,"

_"Harry-ow!__ Wrong spot!"_

~*~*~*~

"What?" Harry asked, stopping his rigorous actions for a moment, "Did I hurt you?" 

Hermione clutched desperately at her lower back and whispered to Harry.

"_You got a splinter in my back…" _she mumbled lowly through gritted teeth and squinted her eyes immense discomfort.

"I'm so sorry, here, I'll try to get it out," Harry said, his expression reeking genuine sorrow for her, seeing as it was his idea to consult the wooden backscratcher in the first place.

"Here, kind of bend over so I can rip it out…"

~*~*~*~

_"Steady…stay…stay…"_

_"-You make it sound as if I'm a dog…Though this is a rather compromising position…"_

_"Why, Hermione, I'm starting to think your mind is filthier than Ron's!" _

"So it's not just me who sees it…" Ginny mumbled brightly to herself.

_"Ow…ow…_Ow_!__  Harry, that hurts!"_

_"I'll get it out of you, trust me, okay?"_

Hermione stayed rather silent for a while before Harry gave out a huge groan of satisfaction/

_"There, I got it out!" _He noted, triumphantly. _"Look at it, it's a big one, isn't it?"_

_"…Bigger than I've seen in a while…"_

"Scarlet woman…-"

"-What was that, Mr. Weasley?" Madame Pomfrey questioned, eyeing the trio suspiciously as they scrambled to get up from their 'inconspicuous' positions blocking the entrance to the Hospital Wing. "What are you children doing out here?" she inquired, looking a bit on the livid side as she wiped her hands on a napkin. She obviously had just come from the great hall.

"Um…I Er…We…um…It was all Ginny's fault! She made us come up here in the first place…I wasn't…I didn't expect a peep show or-"

"-Ron, _shush_!" Both Neville and Ginny commanded in unison, edging slowly towards the staircase.

"Not that I'm blaming you- You couldn't have known not to leave them unsupervised…"

"What the devil are you going on about, Mr. Weasley?" 

"What I mean to say is…"

"He doesn't mean to say _anything_!" Ginny growled fiercely, "We just came up here to make…sure that Harry and Hermione got these…Ice Mice from us, right Neville…?"

~*~*~*~

"You know Harry," Hermione started, who was, along with Harry, clearly oblivious to the events stirring outside the door. "Once you get over the breathing fire thing-"

As if on cue, Harry belched up a mini flame of dull pink flickers.

"-And the itching,"

"-And the horrible medicine, the Hospital Wing isn't all that bad as you make it out to be…" Hermione finished, relaxing into the grove of Harry's neck.

He slowly draped his hands over her shoulders, taking advantage of the utter content and comfort of the situation.

"Yes, it's a small price to pay to be alone with you-"

"-Don't say it,"

"-My _Princess Buttercup_," Harry said with an air of self satisfaction at the reference to the book he had previously been teasing Hermione over the previous Saturday.

"Ugh," Hermione grunted, crinkling her nose, "That's the last time I try to share a classic like that with you, _Wesley_,"

"-_Inconceivable_! And I was so looking forward to acting out some Romeo and Juliet with you…Er…not the whole murdering ourselves, part though…"

Hermione sighed deeply as she rolled her eyes while playfully swatting Harry's wandering hand away. Her weak attempts were cut short once Harry caught both her hands and capture her mouth in a teasing, though sweet kiss. 

"Well, I suppose there's no harm in doing that _now_, you already got me sick!" Hermione stated, thinking back to that fateful Saturday.

"Admit it, you think it's nice having me all to yourself like this, cooped up in this hospital wing where we can do whatever…we want…"

"It is…isn't it…?" Hermione sighed, defeated. "Though, would it _kill_ Ron to stop by and drop off some of my homework assignments?" 

**AN- Hehehe…I love these kind of fics…They leave you with a flutter in your heart and a dirty little grin on your face (Or maybe that's just me…) Ah…brings back good memories from _False Accusations_ *weep* Lol, I always put Ron in the clueless roles that suit him so well…I'll be moseying on back to _Mixed Signals_ now… It'll be nice if you guys could drop a review here and there.**


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